You know the grown man who rides your ass when you're going 12 mph over, and then you see him in the rearview mirror flailing his arms, pounding the steering wheel, and screaming? Well I just had a fun exchange with him on eBay. Here's the actual copy of the emails--I shit you not, I did nothing to provoke this maniac--with a few of my own bracketed comments added in.
Enjoy!
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Hello, I'll meet you and give you $120 cash for the tickets. Let me know if you can't get rid of them. Thanks!
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NOT INTERESTED IN MEETING YOU OR ANYONE ELSE. WE DON'T DO OFF-EBAY DEALS, AND WE DON'T ASK FOR BEST OFFERS. APPARENTLY YOU'RE A HALF.COM OR CRAIGSLIST CUSTOMER WITH LITTLE OR NO RESPECT FOR EBAY RULES--NOT TO MENTION, YOUR OFFER OF LESS THAN HALF OF ASKING PRICE, AND NOT EVEN FACE IS A RIDICULOUS JOKE! WE'VE FORWARDED YOUR EMAIL TO EBAY TRUST AND SAFETY DEPARTMENT IN HOPES OF YOU LEARNING A LITTLE OF HOW THE FAR LESS ARROGANT LIVE **[where did "arrogant" even come from??]. YOU'RE IN IT FOR YOU, SO DON'T LIE ABOUT HELPING ANYONE OUT OF THEIR TICKETS [I didn't], YOU SURELY COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF. THE PRICE IS THE SAME FOR EVERYONE, AND IF WE CHOOSE TO GIVE THEM AWAY, IT WILL BE TO CHARITY LIKE WE ALWAYS DO----HEARD OF THAT? (OF COURSE NOT!) QUIT WASTING MY TIME!
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Wow... Overreact much? Take a breath and grow up. An ethics lesson from a ticket scalper--now I've seen it all! I would suggest some serious psychological counseling.
Don't bother responding, I didn't read the first blabbering novel you sent. Also, your caps button seems to be stuck--but it sure makes you seem tough and scary. I'd wager dollars to doughnuts that you have a "W--still the president" sticker right above the vanity plate on your '94 Camaro.
Good luck selling your tickets for twice face value... The show isn't even sold out.
--
I USE ALL CAPS BECAUSE I'M LEGALLY BLIND [oh, please] AND I CAN ALMOST READ IT---NOW IS THERE SOME REASON WHY EVERYTHING IN YOUR WORLD IS ALL ABOUT YOU? [where does he get this stuff?] WHAT A SELF-DELUDED ARROGANT FUCK YOU ARE! $280 ISN'T WORTH THE BOTHER, AND BOTTOMLINE, IT TRULY WAS MORE THAN YOU COULD AFFORD ANYWAY [wait--which one of us is arrogant again?], AND I ENJOY GIVING TO THE POOR. I DIDN'T OVERREACT [really?], I ONLY RESPONDED TO SOME BEGGING ASS BITCH WITH A TRAILER TRASH OFFER. IT'S THE SHIT LIKE YOU THAT MAKES EBAY A PAIN IN THE ASS FOR THE REST OF US, AND I'LL RESPOND ALL THE FUCK I WANT, GOT ME BITCH? [Complete psychological breakdown in 3... 2... 1...] THE LAST THING IN LIFE YOU WILL EVER BE IS MY SUPERIOR, UNLESS OF COURSE IT'S ANY MORE OF YOUR PSYCHOBABBLE! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU ARE? IF I NEED ANY MORE OF YOUR OPINIONS, I'LL WIPE THEM OUT OF THE CRACK OF MY ASS! WHAT A FUCKING JOKE YOU ARE!...........AND BY THE WAY, IT WAS CONDESCENDING BASTARDS LIKE YOU WHO VOTED W IN TWICE TO BEGIN WITH! NOW IT'S MY TURN TO DISMISS YOU, I'LL BE DELETING WHATEVER SHIT YOU SEND FROM NOW ON, AND ALL YOU EBAY CRAP HAS BEEN BLOCKED AND BARRED FROM THIS AFTERNOON [really?...]. JUST PISS OFF AND GO AWAY!
--
This is fantastic! Keep it up, my entire office is in hysterics reading these forwards.
And speaking of forwarding emails, I think I'll let eBay have a gander at this one. Ticket scalping AND junior high-level profane insults? Saying you aren't too bright would be the understatement of the century.
You are a very sad little man and thinking about your life makes me depressed. Unfortunately for our relationship, I have a real job so I'm through responding. I do however encourage you to keep it up on your end as you check every thirty seconds to see if some fool is dumb enough to pay double face value for a show that isn't even sold out.
PS. I found a pair of tickets two rows behind yours for $30 each. Have a nice life!
--
JUST DON'T GET THE LEVEL OF ARROGANCE YOU PROJECT TO OTHERS, DO YOU? BUT I BET ALL THE LAUGHING OFFICE PEERS KNOW EXACTLY WHAT AN ASS YOU ARE! YOU FEEL YOU ARE THE EXCEPTION TO EVERYTHING, YET YOU ARE THE EXCEPTION TO NOTHING ! CONFUSED, CONDESCENDING, ARROGANT, PROBABLY LEXUS DRIVING SELF-CENTERED BASTARD---I REALLY DO FEEL SORRY FOR A SPECK OF A MAN LIKE YOU...PATHETIC REALLY THAT YOU EVEN THINK I'D GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ANYTHING YOUR BEGGING ASS HAS TO SAY--I DON'T, YET IT IS YOU WHO BEGS STRANGERS TO PAY FOR YOUR GOOD TIMES--I'M SURE YOUR FAMILY'S PROUD, BUT YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE SOMETHING ELSE, SAD REALLY! AND BY THE WAY, YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ARE IRONICALLY ENTERTAINING, I RETIRED 8 yEARS AGO AND I CAN EASILY BUY AND SELL YOUR ARROGANT ASS LIKE THE POCKET CHANGE YOU ARE-THE MOST COMICAL PART OF THIS WHOLE EXCHANGE----NOW YOU REALLY DO NEED TO PISS OFF AND GO AWAY, YOU HAVE CEASED BEING LOW-BROW ENTERTAINMENT LITTLE BITCH!
[Apparently I hadn't actually ceased being low-brow entertainment for him, because I stopped responding, but he kept it up anyway]:
AND ONE LAST THING, I'M LEAVING FOR A 10AM TEE-TIME AT [local golf course--I can only imagine the meltdowns this guy must have out there], SO I WON'T BE ABLE TO CLICK EVERY 30 SECONDS TODAY AS YOU SO FALSELY ASSUME, SO GET BACK TO WORK AND SAVE THE DIATRIBE. WE'LL BE LEAVING TOMORROW MORNING FOR WIMBELDON WEEK, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO BANTER ABOUT WITH MY GRANDSON [Sweet Moses, a grandson???] IN MY ABSENCE WHILE YOU'RE STILL AT WORK. YOU SEE, THIS IS JUST A HOBBY [yeah, I hear ticket scalping is really catching on with the retired crowd these days], AND TWICE FACE IS CALLED KEYSTONE IN A RETAIL OPERATION AND IS USUALLY THE DESIRED MARKUP TO ACHIEVE [and with event tickets, it's called "illegal"], AND I AM JUST SO SURE THAT YOUR PLACE OF BUSINESS OPERATES AS A NON-PROFIT ENTITY [what does this even mean?]! AGAIN, WHAT A SCHMUCK YOU ARE! TORREY PINES 2 WEEKS AGO, WIMBELDON THIS WEEK, THE BRITISH OPEN MID JULY, NEED I GO ON, OR DO YOU NEED TO GET BACK TO WORK [the only good point made in four emails]? IF I'M NOT PLAYING GOLF, I'M AT THE BOAT ON THE LAKE OR THE ONE IN KEY WEST [what is this, a Puff Daddy song?], SO WOULD YOU LIKE TO PISS OFF LIKE YOU WERE TOLD NOW [I actually stopped writing after your last email, genius]? AND PLEASE, LET EVERYONE AT THE OFFICE READ THIS, THEY'RE LAUGHING AT YOU, DUMBASS, NOT WITH YOU [I'd hazard a guess that this is not correct]!!!
--
Showing posts with label moron of the week. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moron of the week. Show all posts
List of people you don't want representing you if you're facing a life sentence
Number one on the list is this guy. This is actually the final video of a four-part series on Youtube. It's unbefuckinglievable how long this judge allows this to languish on (I think the first clip starts at around 10:30 or so). I'd venture to say 95% of judges would put an end to this nonsense within the first 90 seconds.
Nevada, I present to you your tax dollars at work!
Sweet holy Moses I can't even imagine how the client must feel during this floundering ordeal.
Nevada, I present to you your tax dollars at work!
Sweet holy Moses I can't even imagine how the client must feel during this floundering ordeal.
You really should only eat oxycontin in months that end with "R"
I'm all for not jumping to conclusions about people solely on the basis of their physical appearance.
That being said, I could have taken one look at this guy and told you he was a fuckin criminal.
That being said, I could have taken one look at this guy and told you he was a fuckin criminal.
Restaurant owner accused of selling drugs with oysters
Charlie's Original Oyster King on South Main Street in Acworth serves up hot dogs, sandwiches and oysters made all kinds of ways.
But Acworth police say long-time owner Charles Lanzo was also serving up drugs and moonshine. He had some weapons on the side.
Lanzo and his wife, Frances, were arrested Tuesday after an undercover investigation that lasted several months, said Police Chief Michael Wilkie
Frances Lanzo was charged with illegal possession of drugs. When she was arrested police found five Alprazolam pills on her. The prescription drug is sold as Xanax and is used to treat depression.
Charles Lanzo was charged with felony possession of Ecstasy and Oxycontin and felony intent to distribute marijuana and cocaine. He was also charged with felony weapons possession.
Lanzo was charged with possession of non-taxed distilled spirits, a misdemeanor, for the 10 mason jars of moonshine found at the restaurant.
"It appears that Mr. Lanzo was selling a little bit of everything in addition to his oysters," Wilkie said. "We've heard complaints about this for quite some time, and we were finally able to successfully make a case against him."
When police raided the restaurant, they found 2.5 pounds of marijuana. Acworth Detective Mark Cheatham said the marijuana is worth about $1,500.
Police also found one "small teal green pill" of Ecstasy, 7 grams of cocaine, and several Oxycontin pills, according to the arrest warrant. Police also seized $16,000.
Two rifles, a Remington Model 700 .308 and Marlin 30-30 carbine lever-action, and two Smith and Wesson semi automatic handguns, a 9 mm and 22 caliber, were found in a bedroom located inside the restaurant.
The couple were released on bond.
"I was at a meeting the other night, and a long-term resident in Acworth made the comment to me that they always wondered how he was able to stay in business so long with so few cars ever parked out there," Wilkie said. "Now, we know the secret, I suppose."
According to the restaurant's Web site, Lanzo and his wife have operated the Oyster King for 15 years.
Acworth Mayor Tommy Allegood, who has lived in the city for about 12 years, said he doesn't know the owners.
"He's not a member of the Acworth Business Association," Allegood said.
The restaurant is open for business. A man who answered the phone Thursday and said he was Lanzo declined to comment.
The Web site tripadvisor.com has one review of the restaurant posted.
The review, dated Feb 10, says "The oysters were fantastic, although scraped off the bottom of Allatoona, you have to get past that."
I didn't even need to go to law school to know this was effin stupid
But apparently this kid didn't realize it... along with 100 other San Diego State frat boys. I haven't posted one in a while, but this just screams Moron of the Week... congratulations, Kenny--whoever you are--on resurrecting the prestigious award!
Paging Dr. Phil to the Moron of the Week podium
As much as it pains me to give even more attention to the awe-inspiring nuclear meltdown that is Britney Spears, it also gives me an opportunity to trash the ridiculously self-serving and
obnoxious goober- ishness of Dr. Phil. Howard Stern had some choice words about the good doctor on Letterman the other night, not the least of which was his pointing out the fact that a Ph.D. from North Texas (with a dissertation on arthritis) hardly qualifies the man as an expert on everybody else's personal business.
In any event, Phil blamed the media for exaggerating the story and implied that it's this kind of trashy journalism that made the washed-up star into what she is. Fair enough, but should Dr. Phil really be calling out anyone else for "trashy journalism?"
And FYI, Doc--while I'm sure your trip to the psychotic ex-star's hospital room was made out of sheer compassion for your fellow human being--the girl was already in a real medical facility, surrounded by real medical doctors... I think they had things about as under control as
it was gonna get. If anybody should be on the case, it's the magnificent Jeff Van Vonderen from Intervention (who ironically looks frighteningly like you).
But then again, what the hell do those guys know anyways? After all, you are the almighty, all-knowing guru wielding a Ph.D. from North Texas. Who are we to doubt your greatness?
obnoxious goober- ishness of Dr. Phil. Howard Stern had some choice words about the good doctor on Letterman the other night, not the least of which was his pointing out the fact that a Ph.D. from North Texas (with a dissertation on arthritis) hardly qualifies the man as an expert on everybody else's personal business.In any event, Phil blamed the media for exaggerating the story and implied that it's this kind of trashy journalism that made the washed-up star into what she is. Fair enough, but should Dr. Phil really be calling out anyone else for "trashy journalism?"
And FYI, Doc--while I'm sure your trip to the psychotic ex-star's hospital room was made out of sheer compassion for your fellow human being--the girl was already in a real medical facility, surrounded by real medical doctors... I think they had things about as under control as
it was gonna get. If anybody should be on the case, it's the magnificent Jeff Van Vonderen from Intervention (who ironically looks frighteningly like you).But then again, what the hell do those guys know anyways? After all, you are the almighty, all-knowing guru wielding a Ph.D. from North Texas. Who are we to doubt your greatness?
Aha!
I finally realized today that the whole "thinking like a lawyer" thing is really just law school orientation jargon for "using a balancing test to justify whatever conclusion you want." My first year my head was so focused on getting the issues, facts, and holdings of every case that I failed to recognize--until now--that balancing tests control the world. In just a shade under three semesters too!
Balancing tests are also a great tactic for a court to use when it already knows what it wants to do (because of the majority's own personal beliefs), but can't think of a legitimate legal justification for doing so. Just throw two parts competing interests on the scale, garnish it with two parts policy rationale, and viola--you've just created a legally sound balancing test to suit your desired result! One of my professors accurately calls this process (esp. in the context of S. Ct. constitutional decisions) "balacing your rights away."
In other news, the interview process is winding down, and I've had a decent run of it so far. Nothing in stone for the summer yet, but a couple of promising things on the horizon. And here's a little gem to give hope to some of you fellow non-top 20%-ers... I was talking to a friend the other day who is on law review, and she has not had a single callback, while several other folks not even in the top half have gotten multiple callbacks, and even offers, from some of the same firms with which she interviewed. Exact same thing w/ a dude I also know on LR. Thus, the dictum seems to have a little truth to it--great grades and LR will of course land you more interviews, but once it's interview time, attitude and personality, not grades, win the day.
MORON OF THE WEEK (month?)
Last but not least, there's a grumpy old somewhat obese, bulbous man who I see in the gym every day "walking" around the track. "Good for him," right? Well, maybe, if he didn't move as fast as an inbred paraplegic sloth. But that's not even what bothers me; the real fuck of it is he always has one of those motherfucking wireless cell phone ear pieces in and holds extremely loud, angry sounding conversations during the entire duration of these"workouts." I'm a firm believer in the fact that if you're talking on the phone, you aren't fucking exercising. And while I'm at it, who the hell are you to shoot me dirty looks just for living? I'm not the one making your exercise attmpts completely and utterly futile. Plus I think he's actually getting fatter. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he shows up one of these days with a TV tray strapped around his chest slurping up a can of Crisco.
But I digress...
Balancing tests are also a great tactic for a court to use when it already knows what it wants to do (because of the majority's own personal beliefs), but can't think of a legitimate legal justification for doing so. Just throw two parts competing interests on the scale, garnish it with two parts policy rationale, and viola--you've just created a legally sound balancing test to suit your desired result! One of my professors accurately calls this process (esp. in the context of S. Ct. constitutional decisions) "balacing your rights away."
In other news, the interview process is winding down, and I've had a decent run of it so far. Nothing in stone for the summer yet, but a couple of promising things on the horizon. And here's a little gem to give hope to some of you fellow non-top 20%-ers... I was talking to a friend the other day who is on law review, and she has not had a single callback, while several other folks not even in the top half have gotten multiple callbacks, and even offers, from some of the same firms with which she interviewed. Exact same thing w/ a dude I also know on LR. Thus, the dictum seems to have a little truth to it--great grades and LR will of course land you more interviews, but once it's interview time, attitude and personality, not grades, win the day.
MORON OF THE WEEK (month?)
Last but not least, there's a grumpy old somewhat obese, bulbous man who I see in the gym every day "walking" around the track. "Good for him," right? Well, maybe, if he didn't move as fast as an inbred paraplegic sloth. But that's not even what bothers me; the real fuck of it is he always has one of those motherfucking wireless cell phone ear pieces in and holds extremely loud, angry sounding conversations during the entire duration of these"workouts." I'm a firm believer in the fact that if you're talking on the phone, you aren't fucking exercising. And while I'm at it, who the hell are you to shoot me dirty looks just for living? I'm not the one making your exercise attmpts completely and utterly futile. Plus I think he's actually getting fatter. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he shows up one of these days with a TV tray strapped around his chest slurping up a can of Crisco.
But I digress...
Moron/Piece of Shit of the Week
and I don't even really like cats, but what an absolute degenerate.
Police: D[R]acula man fed live cats to dog
A man in Gwinnett County captured kittens to feed live to his pit bull, investigators said Thursday.Sheriff's deputies charged 21-year-old Tye Hilmo Thursday with aggravated cruelty to animals, said Stacey Bourbonnais, spokeswoman for the Gwinnett County Sheriff's Department.
They acted after receiving a tip that Hilmo had been catching neighborhood cats and kittens for his dog to kill, she said. "It's sick," she said. "It's indescribable and sick that people would do this kind of thing to and with animals."
Aggravated cruelty to animals is a felony that carries a sentence of one to five years in prison and/or a fine of up to $15,000.
A tipster said Hilmo, of Dacula, had been using the dog for dogfighting purposes, Bourbonnais said. Despite finding scars on the pit bull, she said, investigators did not have enough evidence to charge Hilmo with dogfighting. Hilmo denied the dog fighting accusation, Bourbonnais said.
Investigators retrieved a particularly graphic image from Hilmo's cell phone, Bourbonnais said — a picture appearing to show a dog chewing a kitten above a caption that reads, "Good dog."
Investigators found the bodies of mutilated kittens at Hilmo's home, Bourbonnais said.
Deputies arrested Hilmo on Sept. 10 after serving a search warrant, Bourbonnais said. They found two pounds of marijuana and seized several firearms including a sawed-off shotgun while investigating the cruelty allegations.
Hilmo was initially charged with unlawful possession of a firearm, possession of dangerous drugs, possession of a weapon during the commission of a crime and violation of probation, possession with intent to distribute and one misdemeanor count of possession of marijuana. Deputies also seized $826 in cash from his residence.
On Thursday, deputies added the animal-cruelty charge. He was being held without bond in the Gwinnett County Jail.
http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/gwinnett/stories/2007/09/20/kittens_0921_web.html?cxntlid=homepage_tab_newstab
Morons of the Week: Criss Angel fans
Wow. Just when I thought pro wrestling, the Global Warming Denial Machine, and David Blaine had laid claim to all the gullible people in North America, this knucklehead comes along and usurps the throne. But I can't blame him for making a buck off of the stupidity of others--hell, NASCAR has been doing that for years! My real qualm is with his supporters.
Holy Toledo, he just bit a crowbar in half and levitated in the middle of the street! Amazing! And what's he doing now--oh, my--he's fox-trotting up the side of an office building! How the hell does he do that?? Dude, I think I--yeah...
I'M LIKE TOTALLY MINDFREAKED!!!
The only freaky thing here is that there seems to be a mass following of bafoons who actually buy into this pathetic charade. Newsflash folks, there's nothing Mindfreakish about just plain lying about stuff (trust me, I know--I'm a law student).
The sad reality for these people is that there's a whole lot of mindnumbing and not so much of the mindfreaking going on. This guy wakes up, puts on a black shirt, jewelry and makeup, and stands in front of a camera psyching you out about all this cool shit he's gonna do. The camera stops rolling, he goes home, the editors put in the camera effects, and all of a sudden he's gone from looking like your regular bus station bathroom stall gigolo to Harry fucking Houdini.
The only magical thing about this guy is that he spells his name "Criss" and has yet to get his ass stomped into the intensive care ward. COME ON PEOPLE!!!
Moron of the Week: A Self-Portrait
That's right folks, I was nominated (by myself) for the second installment of this prestigious award, and the LS4D Subcommittee (e.g., me) on Moronic Affairs unanimously approved the nomination!
Okay, so maybe that's not really me... but it'd be a lot cooler if it was. Anywho, the Subcommittee (again--me) officially selected me this week, citing the following reasons:
1. Thus far I cannot, for the life of me, get myself to take school seriously this semester, despite the fact that my lifelong career options kind of depend on doing so.
2. I have on several occasions stayed in the library for well over an hour after my classes were done for the day, but didn't once do any work or reading there (unless you consider Google-imaging Halloween costume ideas to be work, in which case we should be friends).
3. Taking naps on the couch from roughly 4pm to 7pm (also in lieu of studying), thus ruining any chance of getting to bed at a reasonable hour when I have to be up by 7:30 the next morning.
4. Actually finding myself saying, during a conversation with a friend, "I really don't think Joey Harrington [Michael Vick's replacement] is going to be that bad. I mean, really, if you look at the schedule, we could even make the playoffs this year..."
5. I have now spent another 20 minutes bumbling aimlessly on this blog, while I have three reading assignments for tomorrow that I haven't even started yet.
I would like to thank all of the morons in my life for helping me to see what it takes achieve this award. But most of all I thank myself--I couldn't have done it without me. We finally did it, baby!
Okay, so maybe that's not really me... but it'd be a lot cooler if it was. Anywho, the Subcommittee (again--me) officially selected me this week, citing the following reasons:
1. Thus far I cannot, for the life of me, get myself to take school seriously this semester, despite the fact that my lifelong career options kind of depend on doing so.
2. I have on several occasions stayed in the library for well over an hour after my classes were done for the day, but didn't once do any work or reading there (unless you consider Google-imaging Halloween costume ideas to be work, in which case we should be friends).
3. Taking naps on the couch from roughly 4pm to 7pm (also in lieu of studying), thus ruining any chance of getting to bed at a reasonable hour when I have to be up by 7:30 the next morning.
4. Actually finding myself saying, during a conversation with a friend, "I really don't think Joey Harrington [Michael Vick's replacement] is going to be that bad. I mean, really, if you look at the schedule, we could even make the playoffs this year..."
5. I have now spent another 20 minutes bumbling aimlessly on this blog, while I have three reading assignments for tomorrow that I haven't even started yet.
I would like to thank all of the morons in my life for helping me to see what it takes achieve this award. But most of all I thank myself--I couldn't have done it without me. We finally did it, baby!
Moron of the Week: Special Inaugural 2-part Edition!!!
Today I'm beginning what will be a new quasi-weekly feature highlighting the asinine. For my first installment, I present to you a couple of easy targets:
We have Michael Vick and Tim Donaghy (not Kobe, but the short cracker next to him). Vick, of course, you know as indicted (and soon to be convicted) canine coliseum promoter/dog killer (and piss-poor quarterback) extraordinaire. Donaghy is an NBA referee who has just pled guilty to fixing point spreads in games he officiated in order to satisfy his mob gambling debts. Aside from the fact that they're both degenerates, they also have one thing in common: trying their best--and succeeding--to throw away a cushy dream career involving no actual work. Well done gentlemen!
However, Vick is by far the biggest moron here. Here's a guy who came from nothing, but was handed the world because of his innate athletic ability. So you get to the NFL, the city and its NFL franchise immediately embraces you, and you're filthy ass rich. Despite the fact that your intelligence level is embarrasingly low, or that you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a football, you are nonetheless loved by all.
The world has been handed to you! All you have to do in return is lift weights, learn plays, and use your brain sometimes.
But then what kind of moron would you be? Instead, you took the road of the embicile. Let's review a few of your escapades:
- Using the alias "Ron Mexico" on an STD test. Way to sneak below the radar there.
- Settling a civil suit brought by some ho-ho to whom you probably gave herpes
- Getting caught with a stolen watch at an airport security checkpoint
- Smoking weed--and being photographed while doing it
- Trying to sneak a water bottle w/ hidden ganja compartment, also through an airport security checkpoint (because clearly a man with a $140 mil contract should risk his reputation by trying to hang onto a $12.99 weed bottle)
- Admitting you stopped trying (excellent leadership decision) in the fourth quarter of a close game
- Shooting the bird at home fans when they rightfully booed horrendous passing performance no. 138
- Standing up the entire U.S. Congress, who had scheduled a special ceremony to honor your charitable contributions--then blaming AirTran, one of your corporate sponsors, for missing the flight
- Being related to your brother Marcus (okay, not technically his fault--but scoldworthy nonetheless)
Not to mention, in six years in the NFL, your QB skills have actually regressed. Yes, you are a spectacular runner with mind-blowing speed. Unfortunately that's about all you are, and an NFL QB must be much more--e.g. passing accuracy, ability to read a defense, good decision-making, and leadership abilities (see Manning, Peyton; McNabb, Donovan; Brady, Tom).
Nevertheless, despite your repeated off-field episodes and your mediocre QB skills, we gave you the benefit of the doubt. We stuck with you. We naively believed you when you said you were working hard, making the right decisions, and that you loved the Falcons and their fans. And now you've gone and been indicted (and at this point, all but convicted) of some pretty reprehensible, senseless, MORONIC stuff. You have officially snatched disgrace from the jaws of beloved stardom.
And as for you, Tim Donaghy, well, you're just a weasel. Vick may be guilty of being extremely dumb, but you connived to wreck the NBA, thereby toying with people's jobs and integrity, in order to line your pockets a little and fuel your gambling habit. You were making six figures, staying in nice hotels with comfy per diems, and shmoozing with star athletes--all for running around and blowing a whistle a few times a week. But that wasn't enough for you, because you're a sleazy slimeball! You are now going to federal prison, where you may or may not share a cell with a certain mentally challenged ex-quarterback.
Justice Moustache salutes you both for proving that people will always find ways to destroy terrific situiations for themselves. Enjoy your stays in the pokey!
We have Michael Vick and Tim Donaghy (not Kobe, but the short cracker next to him). Vick, of course, you know as indicted (and soon to be convicted) canine coliseum promoter/dog killer (and piss-poor quarterback) extraordinaire. Donaghy is an NBA referee who has just pled guilty to fixing point spreads in games he officiated in order to satisfy his mob gambling debts. Aside from the fact that they're both degenerates, they also have one thing in common: trying their best--and succeeding--to throw away a cushy dream career involving no actual work. Well done gentlemen!
However, Vick is by far the biggest moron here. Here's a guy who came from nothing, but was handed the world because of his innate athletic ability. So you get to the NFL, the city and its NFL franchise immediately embraces you, and you're filthy ass rich. Despite the fact that your intelligence level is embarrasingly low, or that you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a football, you are nonetheless loved by all.
The world has been handed to you! All you have to do in return is lift weights, learn plays, and use your brain sometimes.
But then what kind of moron would you be? Instead, you took the road of the embicile. Let's review a few of your escapades:
- Using the alias "Ron Mexico" on an STD test. Way to sneak below the radar there.
- Settling a civil suit brought by some ho-ho to whom you probably gave herpes
- Getting caught with a stolen watch at an airport security checkpoint
- Smoking weed--and being photographed while doing it
- Trying to sneak a water bottle w/ hidden ganja compartment, also through an airport security checkpoint (because clearly a man with a $140 mil contract should risk his reputation by trying to hang onto a $12.99 weed bottle)
- Admitting you stopped trying (excellent leadership decision) in the fourth quarter of a close game
- Shooting the bird at home fans when they rightfully booed horrendous passing performance no. 138
- Standing up the entire U.S. Congress, who had scheduled a special ceremony to honor your charitable contributions--then blaming AirTran, one of your corporate sponsors, for missing the flight
- Being related to your brother Marcus (okay, not technically his fault--but scoldworthy nonetheless)
Not to mention, in six years in the NFL, your QB skills have actually regressed. Yes, you are a spectacular runner with mind-blowing speed. Unfortunately that's about all you are, and an NFL QB must be much more--e.g. passing accuracy, ability to read a defense, good decision-making, and leadership abilities (see Manning, Peyton; McNabb, Donovan; Brady, Tom).
Nevertheless, despite your repeated off-field episodes and your mediocre QB skills, we gave you the benefit of the doubt. We stuck with you. We naively believed you when you said you were working hard, making the right decisions, and that you loved the Falcons and their fans. And now you've gone and been indicted (and at this point, all but convicted) of some pretty reprehensible, senseless, MORONIC stuff. You have officially snatched disgrace from the jaws of beloved stardom.
And as for you, Tim Donaghy, well, you're just a weasel. Vick may be guilty of being extremely dumb, but you connived to wreck the NBA, thereby toying with people's jobs and integrity, in order to line your pockets a little and fuel your gambling habit. You were making six figures, staying in nice hotels with comfy per diems, and shmoozing with star athletes--all for running around and blowing a whistle a few times a week. But that wasn't enough for you, because you're a sleazy slimeball! You are now going to federal prison, where you may or may not share a cell with a certain mentally challenged ex-quarterback.
Justice Moustache salutes you both for proving that people will always find ways to destroy terrific situiations for themselves. Enjoy your stays in the pokey!
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