Fuckrockets!!! This is what happens when you have no class on Friday

No Friday class = Thursday nights of drinking.

Drinking = drunkeness = hunger, then home.

Drunk at Home = corndogs!

Unopened corn dog box + butcher knife (recently sharpened)


=

The Turbo Moustache

By Jove, my mastery of most things alcohol has led to another divine creation! The following recipe makes about two large drinks. Behold my glory in liquefied form--the Turbo Moustache:

1) Brew four cups of coffee, double strength (since it will be diluted w/ ice and other garnishments). It helps, of course, if the coffee doesn't suck.*
*I use Grounds for Change. I was given a subscription last year as a gift, and it's downright delicious.

2) Turn the maker off as soon as the brew cycle is over. While the joe is still warm, add:

- 1 tsp sugar (or Splenda); or more/less to taste (keep in mind the Kahlua will be sweet too)
- 1 1/2 Tbsp hot chocolate mix
- 1/3 tsp cinnamon
- 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

3) Close the lid and swirl together until dissolved, and toss the pot in the fridge. Once it's cooled down (the colder the better), bring it back out (swirl again before making the drink).

4) Fill a tall glass with ice, 1/3 Kahlua, almost the rest of the way with the coffee, and top with cream and a sprinkle of cinnamon.

Feeling crazy? Yeah you are, you crazy fuck. In that case, add a nip of scotch when you add the Kahlua... Just don't blame me when this nice weeknight study pick-me-up turns into a shameful boozefest.

Of course you can also make this during the day w/o the alcohol as a refreshing summer alternative to a hot ass cup of coffee. Stepping out into the stiflingly humid 80-degree morning with a scalding hot beverage just isn't as enjoyable as it sounds.

In case you were wondering

If you already have a sore throat, fever, and nasty cough, it's probably not a great idea to go out and smoke a pack of cigarettes, yell a lot, and take shots until 5am. Sure you feel great at the time, but three days later when you miss all your classes, haven't done any reading for the week, and are laid up on the couch at home whining like a baby ass bitch, you'll have only yourself and Joe Camel to thank for the pleasure.

At least I finally caved (after 18 months) and got internet service last week. That should really help me get crackin on these missed reading assignments...

American Gangster Punch

This evening Mrs. Moustache and I went out to see the latest picture show, "American Gangster." Since it was a late viewing, we had some time to kill, and as we were passing by the local package store while en route to the cinema house, we hopped in for a package. We settled on Malibu Coconut Rum [hold jokes until the end] since the lady didn't really want to consume a 32 oz. movie theater soft drink filled with bourbon. So the movie was okay--way too long and a bit of a let down when all is said and done--but Denzel and Russell Crowe are good, and T.I. and RZA actually aren't bad either, so it's worth a watch if you have nothing better to do.

Anywho, upon returning back to Moustache Mansion, I found that a few ounces of the effeminate libation remained in the bottle. Figuring I'd partake in a nightcap whilst watching The Departed, I searched the icebox for potential mixers, and developed the following concoction, which proved sensationomenal:

2 oz. Malibu rum
1 oz. Triple sec
1/2 oz. lime juice
1 oz. fruit punch

Combine in shaker w/ ice, pour into glass, add splash of 7Up. Tell friends it's Everclear and juice to avoid ridicule. Delicious! (Even better with Mark Wahlberg and Alec Baldwin's witty exchanges from The Departed).

Sadly, this is my life

Every weeknight around 11:30 or so, I invariably end up in the kitchen and return with this combination (or some variety thereof).

"A life?" What the piss is that?

Well I seem to have fallen into the large category of people who ambitiously embark on a blog only to abandon it two weeks later. To all six of the people who have read this--in particularly the one or two that have actually noticed I've been gone--I apologize. As you guys know, second semester of law school is at once bewildering and revealing. I've been busy trying to balance the longtime gf (a non-law student) with cramming my brain full of federal subject matter jurisdiction and equal protection. Somewhere in between, I have fallen into the habit of drinking one glass of scotch every weeknight. Just one; around 11:30, while reading the last bit of jargon for the next day's classes, and it puts me right to sleep. It's quite wonderful actully. And of course Friday nights are generally blackouts, so Saturday is always a wash as far as studying goes.

Anyhwho, I won't get into the Virginia Tech tragedy because for one, we could all use a break, and two, it will just piss me off to mention that worthless SOB and make me depressed thinking about all the people he victimized.

I will however briefly mention something much, much less important, and that's Don Imus. I don't think anyone should be burned at the stake just for being stupid and offensive. If that were the case, Bill O'Reilly would be long gone, Rush Limbaugh would be a heap of ashes, Ann Coulter would be crsipier than a rattlesnake on the summer pavement, and O.J. Simpson... well, we all know his fate awaits him on a much toastier plane. In any event, it's a sorry state of affairs when some decrepit old carmudgeon essentially takes a line from "Doggystyle" and it suddenly balloons into the next Cuban Missle Crisis.

I'm not insensitive or naive (at least I like to think so); I know there's more to it than that. Racist and sexist overtones, of course. But hell, Tim Hardaway ranted on a radio show about how much he hates and is disgusted by gays, and that blew over in less than 48 hours. Of course, in a capitalistic society, money talks, bullshit walks... In this case, the money talking is from the radio stations' corporate sponsors pulling out faster than Tom Brady with his next C-list actress, and the bullshit walking is Don Imus.

But whatever your view may be (and please do share it), let's not lose sight of the real issue here: should Don Imus really be calling out anybody else for having nappy hair?